Marriott has a twisted new idea to make you happy (you may need to lie down)

It’s not been an easy couple of years, has it?

You’re desperate to get away, but the virus has kept you at home.

You want everything to be back to normal, but you fear it never will be.

You simply want to feel good again. You want fulfillment in your life, or at least something that resembles it.

Please don’t worry, there’s finally a solution and it comes from that fine purveyor of relaxing environments, Marriott.

The hotel chain is promising to give you a more fulfilling travel experience. 

Or, rather, “a more fulfilling travel experience.”

I know this from a press release the company emitted, one that attempts to weave universal joy into a testament of brand new moneymaking.

How might you think Marriott will give you a more fulfilling travel experience? An automatic upgrade at every hotel, perhaps? Free breakfasts for life? $400 off your flight if you book a Marriott hotel?

Not quite.

Marriott is launching, oh, an ad network.

I hear you pause with the suddenness of Lot’s wife. How might this make your life more fulfilling?

Please let me offer you Marriott’s words. The company, in partnership with Yahoo, will now be “enabling curated content experiences and offerings to guests throughout their travel journey.”

There. Doesn’t that make you feel better? Isn’t the one thing you want throughout your travel journey — more than comfort, more than an on-time departure, more than the joy of having no one next to you on the plane, more than a hotel room that’s actually been cleaned — a curated content experience?

Oh, come on, admit it.

Alright, this is an attempt to attract advertisers. It worked for Amazon, why can’t it work for Marriott? Marriott’s own words again: “For brand advertisers, the Marriott Media Network will offer an unprecedented combination of scale and personalized media to an audience of in-demand, high-intent travelers.”

I sense your own high intent from here. I sense your high intent to scream at any second. Please wait. The time for that may come soon.

Marriott wants you to know it understands you to a profound degree: “The Marriott Media Network will provide travelers with relevant products and services during their travel journey, including throughout their path of purchase, pre-arrival, and during their stay. Marriott’s audience has intent, and travelers will be in the right mindset when receiving these offerings.”

Even though their flight’s been delayed and their room isn’t quite ready yet.

Honestly, this almost sounds like Google every time the company promises to bring you more of the ads you truly want.

Still, you know you want to be in the right mindset when you see an ad or a fine piece of curated content. Marriott wants you to know it’s sensitive to your requirements.

The company thinks, you see, that you’re not very clever. It fears that when you’re traveling, you mess up quite a lot.

How do I know this? Well, because the press release says so: “For travelers, tailored brand experiences will drive smarter purchase decisions and a more fulfilling travel experience.”

You see, Marriott wants you to stop buying stupid things and buy its fine, sponsored, curated wares instead.

That’s the path to true fulfillment.

What do you mean you never knew that?

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